Blog: When metal literally rules
By Tom on Jan 13, 2012 | In Features
With Randy Blythe running for POTUS, Terrorizer runs down the potential other world leaders lurking in the metal world.
With this month's cover start Randy Blythe of Lamb Of God announcing his intention to run for presidential candidacy, Terrorizer pondered the state of the world should other metal musicians swap their day jobs for politics...
So if Randy is the president of the USA who would rule these nations...
UNITED KINGDOM
Who wouldn't vote Barney of grind veterans Napalm Death into office? He recently told us "If I gave up questioning my actions there would be one less dissenting voice. People have to keep up this oppression to keep those in power in check." We'd rather he WAS in power. Plus, imagine Shane Embury as treasurer?
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: Just to see overgroomed footballers trying to sing it, 'You Suffer'.
FRANCE
Replacing Sarkozy as president of France would have to be Joe Duplantier of tech-death maestros Gojira. We're not sure we'd want him to give up the day job but France's current leader seems to mix pleasure with business so maybe Joe could do both. By putting him in charge of a European powerhouse like France he would have the platform to push through his green agenda onto the world stage.
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: 'The Heaviest Matter Of The Universe', obviously
GERMANY
Who could possibly take over in Germany but a power metal band? And while Michael Weikath, legendary Helloween guitarist, would obviously have to take the role of president of the Bundestag, the position of Chancellor belongs to Hansi Kursch of Blind Guardian. The heroic outlook and hopeful tone would inspire his nation to a bright future. And dramatically increase sales of books by JRR Tolkien, Robert Jordan and George RR Martin. Their foresight is such they were doing songs about 'A Game Of Thrones' before HBO made a series out of it.
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: 'And Then There Was Silence' in full, all fourteen minutes of it.
RUSSIA
If you thought Maggie Thatcher was the Iron Lady, imagine Russia being run by Arkona's Masha Scream. The former USSR would be a super-power once again in no time if ruled by her passionate and forceful band of folky tyrants.
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: Definitely nothing by Drudkh
ITALY
Sex scandals and a debt crisis forced playboy and lothario Berlusconi out of office in 2011. Italy is used to being run by a mogul with media coverage at his fingertips, so we would replace him with another despot who's an expert in using the press to his advantage. He's universally adored, apart from by him upstairs (so the Vatican might get their knickers in a twist,) but we think Papa E from the ghoulish Ghost would make a great president. Paul Chain could be deputy!
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: 'Con Clavio Dio'. Because the world needs a nation who croon to Satan.
SWEDEN
Italy would need an equally-dark ally and could count on Sweden if we demand Reinfeldt out and Danielsson in. Watain's tyrannical frontman would oust the Moderate Party and bring in the Extreme Party (party being the operative word). Every time we've interviewed Erik we've wondered what would happen if the silver-tongued serpent went into politics. He would charm even the more hardcore dissenter; if not with words there are other ways.
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: 'Legions Of The Black Light'
NORWAY
"Oh Nightspirit, I am at one with Thee, I am the eternal power, I am THE EMPEROR!" is how we suggest Ihsahn opens his campaign for the Norwegian presidency. He seems to be a master at everything he turns his hand to, so we're quite sure he'd be as brilliant at running a country as he is at music.
NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM: 'Ye Entrancemperium'
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